


No Capes (Or Spandex)

by QueSeraAwesome



Category: Glee
Genre: Comment Fic, Gen, M/M, Why didn't anyone stop me, superhero au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-21
Updated: 2014-04-21
Packaged: 2018-01-20 05:04:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1497664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueSeraAwesome/pseuds/QueSeraAwesome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once upon a time, someone on comment_fic asked for Santana, Blaine, Kurt and Karofsky as a gay fantastic four. I decided to take them literally. </p>
<p>Alternatively: some things are just different after you’ve been kidnapped by a supervillain, infected with radiation, manifested superpowers and worked together to break free and save the tri-state area.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Capes (Or Spandex)

“This is monumentally unfair,” Kurt says. “I should have been the one to get the invisibility and force field powers.”

Dave quirks an eyebrow at him.

“And why is that?”

“It’s the only one of these powers that wouldn’t mess up his clothes,” Santana laughs. Kurt huffs and sits primly on the bench.

“That is not true,” he says, adjusting his hair. “I’m simply the only person in this room capable of pulling off the fabulousness of Jessica Alba.”

“Don’t you mean Sue Storm? Jessica Alba just played her in the really bad movie,” Dave says. “She’s a real person, you know.”

“Whatever, you know what I mean.”

“Look at it this way, Gay Hulk,” Santana says, “At least you just got the strength powers, and didn’t end up looking like The Thing.”

Kurt grimaces. She’s right. And there is no way that’s going to be his code name.

“I would love you even if you did,” Blaine says, poking his head out of the bathroom. It’s his turn to change into his new uniform, and despite the fact that they were stationed in a nice little locker room to change into their new uniforms before the press conference, no way were any of them undressing in front of each other. Well, Santana had been fine with it, but the very vocal protestations from all three boys when she’d reached for her shirt hem had led to the bathroom shifts. 

Kurt idly wonders if the rest of Blaine’s body is still by the sink as his face retreats from the doorway. This is still so weird.

“Dude, I wish you’d gotten these powers too.” Dave says. “Do you know how weird it is to think I’ve got the most mentally in common with a blonde, married, mother of two?”

“That’s not what the scientist said,” Blaine yells from the bathroom. “She said it was about mental compatibility with the powers.”

“Oh, great,” Dave says. “So I’m mentally compatible with trying to turn invisible and putting up walls?”

“I think that means God’s trying to turn your closetedness into a superpower,” Santana snickers.

“Shut up,” Dave mutters, ducking his head and putting his old McKinley High jacket in the locker and closing the door. “I’m not closeted anymore.”

“No, you’re not,” Blaine says, exiting the bathroom. He pats Dave’s shoulder reassuringly on his way past. Kurt thinks he could probably by upset by that, but he’s not. Blaine’s a touchy guy. And some things are just different after you’ve been kidnapped by a supervillain, infected with radiation, manifested superpowers and worked together to break free and save the tri-state area. J.K. Rowling was totally right about the whole Mountain Troll Effect. 

Blaine pauses in front of the full length mirror, smoothing down the front of his new uniform. Kurt’s logical brain knows that their uniforms are specially designed to stay on them when they use their powers, but his fashion brain says that it looks for all the world like a pair of cuffed jeans and a polo in Fantastic Four blue, complete with insignia.

Blaine looks really good in that blue. Almost good enough to make Kurt forget to be unhappy about the fact that he will be limited to that shade of blue for his fashion choices when on missions for the foreseeable future. Dave also went for jeans. And sneakers. Kurt is the only one in this entire group with any style. Kurt had been very insistent about his favorite knee high doc martens (Santana calls them the bitch boots), and knows for a fact that he was the only one who went back more than twice to approve his costume. He’s going to look so fabulous while winging a car over his head.

Thank god the technology has improved since the early days of superhero uniforms. They can make them look something approaching normal now, instead of bad gymnastics gear and spandex. Kurt shudders. If he’d had to be a superhero in the forties, or even the nineties, he would have quit. And speaking of uniforms, they seriously need to talk about Santana’s.

“There is no way that that dress is appropriate superhero attire,” Kurt says, “How are you going to avoid flashing everyone within a mile of our missions?”

“Boy, I am going to be on fire for the majority of our missions,” Santana scoffs. They even managed to make her one of those awful fur shrugs she likes so much for her costume. “I know I’m hot, pun totally intended, but unless you hadn’t noticed? Fire is totally my bitch now. And no one’s catching a glance of the goods without my say so.”

“Talk about a firecrotch.”

Three sets of disbelieving eyes turn to Dave. He shrugs.

“What? We’re a superhero team. I’m practicing our snarky banter.”

“I don’t think we really need to practice that,” Blaine says. “I’m pretty sure between the four of us there’s enough sarcasm to kill Stephen Colbert.”

“Or Sue Sylvester,” Kurt chips in.

“No, she’d just absorb it and use it against us," Santana quips.

“See what I mean?” Blaine says. “I’m pretty sure the snarky banter’s going to happen on its own.”

“Somehow I doubt I’m going to start running around here yelling ‘it’s clobberin’ time.”

“Yes, yes, we have established that we’re nothing like our straight adult counterparts. We get it.”

“Um, yeah, we are. At least some of us.” Dave says. Santana raises an immaculately sculpted eyebrow at him.

“Really? Cause last time I checked I didn’t have a dick, and you do. That’s a big difference.”

“Yeah, but don’t even try to tell me you’re not going to use your new fame to get yourself a lot of lady tail,” Dave replies. Santana shrugs and nods, the duh unspoken. “And no offense, Blaine, but you’re kind of intense about singing, just like Reed and his science.”

Kurt thinks that despite Santana’s womanizer tendencies and Blaine’s tendency to be oblivious to everything else when he’s focused on a performance, that’s not the point.

He knows how frustrated and angry Santana gets, and how the only way she really deals with it is by being a total bitch. He knows, he’s seen Blaine change faces, stretch himself to try to be what people want from him. And Dave, he’s been doing nothing but trying to be invisible and putting up walls between the real him and the real world since he realized he was gay, and even more after he came out.

The only one he doesn’t understand is why apparently he has the greatest mental compatibility with super strength. He thinks it might be because it’s all that was left.

Blaine, of course, is focusing on what is important in this conversation.

“Dave, I didn’t know you were a comic book geek.”

Santana practically cackles. Dave practically deflates.

“Ok, fine, I like comic books. And follow superhero stories in the news. Can we focus here? People are going to be drawing all sorts of comparisons between us and the Fantastic Four, we might as well be ready for it.”

“We’ll handle that after the press conference,” Blaine says. Kurt can see him putting on his dapperface. “It’s supposed to be starting any minute. We should probably go down there.”

Together they begin the long trek down the hallway to the conference room. It isn’t actually a long trek, but it feels like it. They wish it were.

“You know,” Santana says, “If we’re so like the original Fantastic Four, that’d mean Blaine and Dave were dating.”

Blaine and Dave exchange once overs of disdain.

“Gross.” They say simultaneously.

“No offense, though,” Blaine adds.

“Um, dude? Trust me, I get it,” Dave says, rolling his eyes.

There’s a door at the end of the hallway. It keeps coming closer until it’s basically unavoidable that they’re going to have to go through it. Theoretically.

Theoretically, saving the tri-state area was a lot easier than going out there and facing all those reporters and cameras.

There’s a press conference out there waiting for them. None of them step foreward.

“So, Dave,” Blaine says, tugging at his collar, “You’re the comic nerd. Are there any other gay teen superhero teams out there?”

The worried wrinkles in Dave’s forehead get deeper.

“Well, there’s gay kids on superhero teams. Like Wiccan and Hulkling on the Young Avengers. But no whole teams, no. We’re the first.”

They stare at the door a little more.

“Well,” Santana says, stepping forward to push the door open, “This certainly gives a new meaning to ‘Flame On.’”

That’s why the very first official pictures of the world’s newest teen superhero team are of them falling over themselves laughing as they pour out onto the stage.


End file.
